Saturday, January 26, 2013

Thirty days of kink - day 1

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

The first part of this question is really easy for me: I am submissive. I have had these feelings for as long as I can remember, even as a child. They have only become stronger over the years. However, it took me a long time to acknowledge and accept them.

My kinky self


Answering the second part, the meaning of BDSM and kink is more complicated. I am always in the process of defining my kinky self. Evolving, growing, tumbling down, and getting back up again. A big part of it is submitting to someone who can control me.  It has always been a thrill, and still is,  to meet dominant people. I very much enjoy different styles of dominance: sexual or non-sexual, control by commanding or control by manipulation, verbal or non-verbal. My kinky/submissive part is as much part of me as any other part. I can't switch it off and on at will. I just am who I am, body and mind.

Another part of my kinky self is my masochistic side. I love being spanked, whipped, caned, or slapped. I like to be helpless and bound, not knowing what the other person is going to do next. The pleasure of pain in combination with submission is pure bliss. I also crave pain as a punishment or a means to calm me down. I have a tendency to lose focus and paradoxically to obsess about things people say or do and have a somewhat addictive personality (both biological and psychological). Pain and submission calm me down and put me in a state of acceptance and relaxation.

Our kinky relationship


MrReg and me have been married for 17 years. The first 12 years we had a monogamous vanilla relationship. This changed five years ago and BDSM became part of it, mainly in the bed room. About two years ago, we changed our dynamic from a D/s to a M/s relationship. It doesn't mean I am a service slave. To us it means that MrReg controls me completely, without limits. I have been with MrReg for such a long time, that I trust his judgement completely.  Which doesn't mean I always agree with him. It just means it doesn't matter if I agree with him and that I am comfortable with that. It also doesn't mean he doesn't value my opinion. It just means he determines how important my opinion is and I am happy with that too. Apart from changing the 'rules' of the power exchange, the rules of our sexual relationship have been changed too, we are no longer monogamous. I am owned, but I am allowed, or better yet, supposed to have sex with other people. Both with MrReg and by myself. It enriches our lives. It complicates our lives. It makes life fun and makes me realize over and over again how much I am in love with and dedicated to MrReg. Hence the title of this blog.

Apart from being a fun-loving, proud slave and a masochist, I am independent, headstrong, smart and impatient. Combining these two sides has been and continues to be a challenge for me. I like my fun-loving submissive side better, and I hope one day I will find the perfect balance............ A girl can dream right ;)

7 comments:

  1. As Rose said, welcome to the blogosphere and it's nice to get to know you (even) better :D

    Rebel xox

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    1. thank you, I hope you'll like what you see ;)

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  2. I had to wait a looooong time for this blog :-). But is was worth waiting! It's very difficult to put in words what you feel (I'm talking here for myself), but you did a very good job (as far as I know you). And now I get to know you even better.

    Keep on writing!

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    1. :) I remember our conversation about this topic when I was finishing this post. I am glad you enjoyed it, and maybe even inspire you to do some writing of your own? :P

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